What will they play with?
Do they need their own cups? Plates? Silverware?
How do I take care of their hair? (After all, they are half black and I didn't know what kinds of products to use, how often to wash, etc.)
When's their bedtime?
Will I get to do anything I want to do again? (That was 23 year old, still young, selfish Meredith)
Despite all these worries, we continued on. Our first night with them was Date Night. Date Night is a ministry I lead, along with a team I have, where we give parents in the community three hours to themselves while we watch their kids (FOR FREE :D). This turned out to be a nice transition. It wasn't us awkwardly sitting in our living room trying to get to know these two displaced children. They got to meet people they would go to church with and hang out and just be normal kids. Day 1: check!
Then the harsh reality of Saturday came. Despite staying up past nine their first night, our kids were NOT tired. They got up at approximately 6. ON A SATURDAY. Now, a lot of you parents are probably chuckling at my woes. BUT. You used to be me! So...yeah. Don't judge me.
I sat bleary-eyed, half-awake on the couch while the kids watched cartoons/drove each other crazy. Everything kind of moved in slow motion. Somehow I managed through that morning.
Next I assessed their things. JJ* came with three pairs of underwear and one pair of shoes (and other clothes of course, but that stood out to me.) Bud* had a bunch of random socks that all looked too big for him and didn't have any pairs. They didn't come with a toothbrush. No hair products. Mmmm...no. These kids are gonna be in my house, they're going to have things they need. I took them to Walmart and got them essentials....Okayyy. I may have gotten things not on my list. But they are so cute and sweet! How could I not get Bud that cool snapback hat?? Needless to say, they enjoyed picking out new things and I tried to imagine what shampoo and conditioner to buy. I grabbed a kids bottle that said it had coconut oil in it. That's good, right? It'll do for now. Day 2: check! (slightly tired exclamation mark)
The next day was Sunday and they woke up just as early. Ironically (yes, I know it's technically not ironic), it was Mother's Day. I felt like a farce. Yes, I was technically a mother, a foster mother, but I didn't expect a hug, a painted picture of a flower with their hands, or even a thank you. I tried to imagine how hard it was for them to spend Mother's Day without their mother.
There was a brunch, which gave the kids an opportunity to hang out with some kids they had met at Date Night and another slightly less awkward social experience surrounded by new faces. There was also only one service for them to go to, rather than two, so I was thankful that their first church experience here wasn't two services all alone. I was pretty impressed with myself that they looked put together and so did I because...I was feeling rough.
Another joy was that their middle sister was in a foster placement with people that went to our church. So they could look forward to going to church to at least see her, while the Lord worked on their hearts to want to go to church.
Don't think that they didn't want to go to church. They went to church before. But some kids go to church, and some kids have a relationship with the Lord. I wasn't sure where these kids were at. It was fairly obvious to me that they had basic morals and manners and I was thankful that I didn't have to teach them those. But I was hoping that the mighty Lord of Heaven would swoop down and take these children into His arms and show them His love.
They enjoyed church and we went home. We called their mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. It was obvious that they missed her. Bud had made his mom a pot with a caladium in it as well as a magnet with his face on it. JJ had made her mom some pictures and had them in a folder labeled that things inside were things for her. Overall Sunday was pretty smooth. They did not appreciate Quiet Time (aka nap time), like we did, so we didn't really get any making for an even more tired Meredith. Day 3: check.
Thinking back to how much we know them now and all we've been through, I didn't know them at all. They seemed sweet. They were good in school and made good grades. At this point they were still kind of quiet and reserved. They hadn't opened up to us yet.
That first weekend was hard. Not necessarily emotionally yet, because things were still new and we hadn't gotten to know them well, but mentally it was tough. There was never a break. You always had to keep an eye on them because our rules and boundaries hadn't been established yet. Also it was physically tough. I was used to sleeping in on Saturdays and Sundays and naps and relaxing on those days. I didn't get a "Sabbath" that weekend. Already the brain was scrambling, "Can we do this?? Are we going to survive?? Are we strong enough??"
A few days later, Bud comes up to me and gives me this:
"Since I didn't get you anything for Mother's Day," he says shyly.
It's moments like this that kept me going. Reassurance that yes, what we were doing was good. What we were doing was worth it.
I still have it on my fridge.
*These are not their real names.
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